Try '
Avast'. Its free, works well and has a pirate word in it.
Oh, just make sure your soundcard is turned down or you will freak out when the virus database gets updated.
Avast Colleen, my buxom wench
Aye be wantin' to fire off my cannon through your porthole if ye dont mind. Arrr!
Bend over and prepare to be boarded!
