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WordPress.com is very limited in what they allow there, so you have to refer to their options (if any).
However, for Wordpress you have installed on your server:
Plugins
Okay, first I unzip anything if it was zipped, and then I upload it to the plugin folder which is inside the wp-content folder. Once I have it uploaded, I go to the admin panel of my blog (the dashboard) and click on the plugins tab. Once you are on the plugins page, scroll down until you see the new plugin you just uploaded, and click activate. (Make sure the new plugin is compatible with the version of WordPress that you are using.)
Themes
Upload the new theme (after unzipping it) to the theme folder which is inside the wp-content folder. Once I have it uploaded, I go to the admin panel of my blog (the dashboard) and click on the presentation tab, and then scroll down until you see the new theme you just installed. Click on the theme you would like to use and you are set to go. (Make sure the new theme is compatible with the version of WordPress that you are using.) To make code or style changes to the theme you are using just click on theme editor.
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