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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 05-31-2006, 10:57 AM
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Political jokes

Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at the White House.
The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like, and he replies, "I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit."
"And what can I get for you, Mr. President?"
George W. replies with his trademark wink and slight grin, "How about a quickie this morning?"
"Why, Mr. President!" the waitress exclaims. "How rude! You're starting to act like Mr. Clinton, and you've only been in your second term of office for a year!"
As the waitress storms away, Cheney leans over to Bush and whispers...


"It's pronounced quiche."

**************************************


Anyone has more?
 
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Old 05-31-2006, 11:06 AM
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Reagan, Nixon and Clinton are on the Titanic.

The ship hits the iceberg and sinks slowly.

Everybody starts screaming, panicking, etc.

Reagan shouts: "Women and children first."

Nixon goes: "**** the women."

Clinton replies: "Do you think we have time?"
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Old 05-31-2006, 11:10 AM
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LOL @ Brian
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Old 05-31-2006, 11:12 AM
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Nice one, Brian!
 
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Old 05-31-2006, 08:39 PM
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LMAO... Brian you just ain't right, lol
 
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Old 06-01-2006, 01:52 AM
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"First Lady Laura Bush flew from Washington to New York and instead of flying Air Force One, she took the Delta Shuttle. The first lady said she did this because unlike Air Force One, commercial airlines are cheaper, they waste less gas, and she doesn't get stuck sitting next to a dumb guy." --Conan O'Brien

-------------

"As many as 26 and a half million veterans reported at risk for identity theft after someone stole a computer disk containing their names, birth dates and social security numbers. Why aren't these files put somewhere where no one can find them, like the same place where we keep President Bush's National Guard records?" --Jay Leno

-------------

"As you may have heard, Louisiana Congressman William Jefferson was caught on tape taking a $100,000 bribe and then the FBI found $90,000 in cash in his freezer. Jefferson said he didn't do anything wrong. He said he just fell in with the wrong crowd. You know, other congressmen." --Jay Leno

-------------

"Let's see what's new with New Jersey Governor Jim 'Keep On Truckin' McGreevy. ... Former New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevy has written a book where he said he used to cruise highway rest stops looking to have anonymous sex with gay truckers. ... At what point do you stop having anonymous sex at truck stops and say to yourself I'm tired of this, I'd rather be governor?" --Jay Leno

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"Today the Republicans said this raid (on Rep. William Jefferson's office) may have violated protections for congressmen that are spelled out in the Constitution. The Constitution? All of a sudden they found a copy? Where was this when they were spying on our phone calls?" --Jay Leno

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"A jury found former Enron sleezeballs Ken Lay and Jeff Skilling guilty of fraud and conspiracy. Ken Lay? That's not a good name to have when you're going to prison. And Kenny Boy ain't too good either. ... I guess in prison they'll have done to them what they did to the stockholders." --Jay Leno

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"The president of Mexico has arrived in the U.S., thanks to some nifty fence climbing. ... I thought this was encouraging. He offered to take President Bush's job for $3 an hour cash." --David Letterman
 
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Old 06-01-2006, 01:56 AM
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Hmm, Al Gore sounds like a real winner.

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 9/22/97

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 9/5/93

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."

-- Vice President Al Gore

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 9/15/95

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

-- Vice President Al Gore

"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."

-- Vice President Al Gore

"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made."

-- Vice President Al Gore

"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 5/22/98

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared.'"

-- Vice President Al Gore, 12/6/93

"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 11/30/96

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."

-- Vice President Al Gore

"The future will be better tomorrow."

-- Vice President Al Gore

"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 9/21/97

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."

-- Vice President Al Gore to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/93

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a *part* of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a *part* of Europe."

-- Vice President Al Gore
 
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Old 06-01-2006, 01:58 AM
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Good ones @ C.
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Old 06-01-2006, 02:01 AM
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LMAO @ Al Gore!
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Old 06-01-2006, 03:47 AM
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Nice ones, Colleen! Gore is almost as bad as Quayle.
 
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Old 06-01-2006, 01:59 PM
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"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."

WTF, is this guy on drugs?
 
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Old 06-01-2006, 03:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brian
Reagan, Nixon and Clinton are on the Titanic.
The ship hits the iceberg and sinks slowly.
Everybody starts screaming, panicking, etc.
Reagan shouts: "Women and children first."
Nixon goes: "**** the women."
Clinton replies: "Do you think we have time?"
why did you bleep out the word help?
**** = Help... right?




good jokes guys/gals. keep them coming.
 
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Old 06-01-2006, 03:44 PM
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"President Bush is going to establish elections there in Iraq. He's going to rebuild the infrastructure. He's going to create jobs. He said if it works there, he'll try it here." —David Letterman


***************************

"In response to the escalating violence in Iraq, President Bush is delaying the return home of 25,000 troops and will actually add reinforcements to the south. Then in a symbolic gesture he pulled down the mission accomplished banner, put on a flight suit, walked backwards to a jet fighter and flew it in reverse off an aircraft carrier." —Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

 
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Old 06-02-2006, 04:33 AM
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Hmm this isn't so much a joke but a nice Bushism for you:
'We are getting more and more imports from abroad' - George W Bush
 
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Old 06-02-2006, 04:59 AM
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An Indian politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the

senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed

by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings. He asked

"How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?"

The senator smiled knowingly and took him to the window.

"Can you see the river?"

"Yes"

"Can you see the bridge over it?"

"Of course", said the minister.

"10 percent", said the senator smugly.



Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian

minister lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to his

house, the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had

built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc. etc.

"How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in RS?', he asked.

The minister called him to the window.

"See the river over there?"

"Sure", cried the senator.

"Can you see the bridge over it?"

The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said -

"No, I don't see any bridge."

"100 percent", said the minister !!
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Old 06-02-2006, 05:04 AM
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Bill Gates : Namaskar! you must have heard of Windows.

Laloo : Oh yes! most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept.

Gates : Have you installed Windows at home?

Laloo : I have removed all windows due to increased burgalaries in our house. Gates(Confused): Then what is the system you operate on?

Laloo : OPERATION ? Yes, I had a Hernia operation last month.

Gates(Sweating) : Hope the internet is being used a lot in India.

Laloo: Oh Yes! Due to increased moquito problems many people are sleeping under the net. Gates: By the year 2002 India should export computer chips.

Laloo: We are already exporting Uncle Chips.

Gates(Feeling very Uneasy): do you regularly use LapTops?

Laloo: My grand-child sleeps on the top of my lap.

Gates(Sweating Heavily): The Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh knows a lot about RAM and ROM.

Laloo : RUM? Prohibition is being lifted and it will be shortly available in A.P.

Gates(Feeling Dizzy): I would like to take your leave before my system crashes.

Laloo: I have exhausted all my leave. Gates: I have no energy left, let us go out and have a bite.

Laloo: BITE? I believe in non-violence. I will not bite.

Gates: (System Crashes and Found Missing). "Windows is restarting.Please wait............."
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Old 06-07-2006, 09:21 AM
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Here's an old Polish joke from the communist era.

Two guys meet in the street.
First guy: "Hi! How's it going?"
Second guy: "Oh, can't complain."

Dry.
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Old 06-07-2006, 09:23 AM
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funny.
 
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Old 06-12-2006, 01:46 AM
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lol, very nice joke
 
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Old 06-12-2006, 12:36 PM
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Quote:
Two guys meet in the street.
First guy: "Hi! How's it going?"
Second guy: "Oh, can't complain."
LMAO, I saw that one done slightly different on the Simpsons. I think it was Homer who said "Can't complain" but then he pointed to a sign that said "no complaining"

love Dry.
 
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