But what if...

QT_ · 10-14-2003, 04:12 PM

If Linux Distributions Were Airlines

Red Hat Airlines:

The standard in air travel. Most people have flown Red Hat Air at one
point or other. Some people like it and some people hate it and move on
to one of the other airlines. Passengers are all treated the same; they
get stuck in their seats and told not to ask questions -- everything
will be taken care of for them. They should just sit back, relax, and
not touch of the fancy controls under any circumstances, lest they send
the plane into a tailspin. Red Hat Airlines is fabulously rich.

Mandrake Airlines:

Mandrake bought a truckload of planes from Red Hat, put new engines in
them, re-painted them, and now run their own airline. Considered by many
to be the most friendly airline for first-time flyers.

Corel Airlines:

A new player on the scene, Corel Air thinks it can be the airline of
choice for a new generation of first-time pleasure flyers, and maybe
even lure in some business travelers too. Their planes are big, brightly
painted, and like Red Hat's they protect the innocent, clueless
passengers from the dangerous buttons, switches and blinkenlights of the
cockpit.

SuSe Airlines:

An airline out of Europe that tries to be everything for everyone and
succeeds -- to a degree. Recently paid a huge sum of money to use a
comic strip in its promotional material. (And after they finally named
the lizard...)

Caldera OpenAirlines:

These guys go out of their way to make things comfortable for the
business user. They've got a pretty terminal, pretty planes, really good
in-flight movies, etc. But I had a bad experience with these guys once.
They lost my luggage. Quite a mess, really. Ah well, such is life. I
never flew with them again.

SlackAIR:

From a distance, their planes look just like everyone elses. But up
close you can tell that they haven't been painted and little bits of
wire stick out here and there. But onboard, the seats are comfortable
enough and there are plenty of stewardesses available to help you
readjust your seat if you manage to break it. There is no in-flight
movie but if you get bored you are always welcome up in the cockpit. The
pilots will be glad to let you try and fly the plane and are happy to
let you push whatever buttons you want, even if you don't know what
you're doing. Generally, novice flyers avoid SlackAIR as they've heard horror stories about newbies pressing the wrong button and causing the plane to explode.

Debian Airlines:

They have a single type of airplane; a huge sucker weighing 2400 tons
and carrying just about everything you can imagine. They've got kitchen
sinks, massage parlors, a paintball arena, and 294 types of cheese for
sale in the onboard, 24-hour supermarket. You can see from the terminal
they have a huge team of technicians working on their fleet, poking and
prodding. Debian Air is the only choice for some: everything onboard is
built 100% by union workers -- no shoddy, possibly dangerous, imports
here.

For completeness, let's throw in some BSD...

NetAIR:

Pretty standard fare, with one primary selling point: they'll fly
anywhere. There isn't anywhere they won't go. War zones, political
hotbeds, Canada -- all fair game. Of course, they keep their planes in
good condition and up to date.

FreeAIR:

Probably the most popular of the alternative airlines, FreeAIR is a
favorite of business travelers and, well, pretty much everyone. They
offer the same services as everyone else and have the same devoted
following as the other airlines. Purportedly a good choice for first
time BSD flyers.

OpenAIR:

SecureAIR really would be more appropriate. They've got armed guards at
every door, armed guards on the plane -- even a fighter escort.
Passengers are treated pretty respectably as long as they are willing to
go through the security checkpoints.