Funny Jokes :) - Page 4

sbfc · Share | #61 (**permalink**) 02-19-2010, 11:12 AM

Toyota have announced that they will be taking part in Formula 1 this year after all. They reckon they'll be unstoppable.

**Muddy** · #62 (**permalink**) 02-19-2010, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sbfc

Toyota have announced that they will be taking part in Formula 1 this year after all. They reckon they'll be unstoppable.

Ha! Lord have mercy.

jacquey · #63 (**permalink**) 02-20-2010, 02:33 AM

Some jokes really made me laugh

ramosraymond54 · #64 (**permalink**) 02-23-2010, 05:40 AM

A comedian, with his marionette by his side, was entertaining the crowd with dumb blond jokes when one lovely blond woman stood up and objected to his jokes.
"You're hurting and discriminating us blonds with your dumb jokes, so please stop it!" she said.
Chastened and embarrassed, the comedian asked for forgiveness from the woman and he promised that he would not do any dumb blond jokes again.
But the blond surprised him when she retorted- "I'm not talking to you! I'm talking to your little friend on your lap!" Har! Har! Har!

Adriankoto · #65 (**permalink**) 02-23-2010, 07:39 AM

I cannot write anything after laughing so much. Wonderful Jokes.

glm · #66 (**permalink**) 02-23-2010, 11:05 AM

there was this guy who was born with just a head,no arms no legs no torso yes thats right just a head.
everyone never expected him to live but he proved everyone wrong and on his 18th birthday his proud father couldnt wait to take him down to his local pub for his first legal beer.
On arrival at the bar the father oerders his usual a pint of heavy and a small whisky and then asks his son what he wants
his son replys "can i get a bucket of water dad"
a bit mythed his father orders the bucket of water and when it arrives he places his son in the bucket of water.
"everything ok son" the proud father asks
"yes dad" comes the reply as he happily bobs away
"ok son i am going to the toilet will you be ok here for a few minutes" the father asks
"yes dad i will be fine" the son replys
when his father is in the toilet a massive violent fight erupts his dad herars the scuffle and runs frantically from the toilet back into the pub to see chairs and tables along with bodys flying everywhere he wrestles his way through thinking the worst and finally reaches his son and looks into the bucket.
his son is crying uncontrollably and hysterical !
"whats wrong son did anyone touch you i will kill em" he rants
" no dad but that guy over there he's shouting SINK THE HEID"

for those not familiar with scottish slang
heid means head
"sink the heid" means to headbutt someone

**Muddy** · #67 (**permalink**) 02-23-2010, 12:52 PM

Wow.

IKILL8 · #68 (**permalink**) 02-23-2010, 02:21 PM

Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.

"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his father.

"Nope," comes dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."

Emily Johnson · #69 (**permalink**) 02-23-2010, 03:19 PM

Hey everyone! Okay you all have funny jokes posted. Mine is a little long but here goes:

A man and his wife are returning from holiday, while on holiday they decided to buy themselves some pets, he bought a snake while the woman got a skunk. As they are passing through airport control they notice a sign which says "NO ANIMALS WILL BE ALLOWED THROUGH QUARANTINE" Slightly distressed the woman turns to her hu...sband and asks what they should do. After thinking hard for 5 minutes the man come up with a plan "what I'll do is tie the snake around my waist and try to pretend that it's a snake skin belt" "Yes" the woman replies "but what about the skunk?" "I don't know, you'll just have to hide it up your skirt" "But what about the smell?" the woman asks. To which the man replies "Look, if it dies it dies!"

andyllin · #70 (**permalink**) 02-23-2010, 05:33 PM

A man goes to church and starts talking to God.
He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny",
then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

andry · #71 (**permalink**) 02-25-2010, 09:07 PM

I was reading some jokes and this one really made me laugh. So its here:-

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of
them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says,"So you're a
man; that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow,just look at our cars!
There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be
a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live
together in peace for the rest of our days."

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"
"This must be a sign from God!"

The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle.
My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't
break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good
fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in
agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it
back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and
hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

robjones · #72 (**permalink**) 03-16-2010, 11:01 AM

10 Reasons Handguns are Better than Women

#10. You can trade an old 44 for two shiny new 22s.

#9. It's OK to keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

#8. If you admire a friend's handgun, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7. Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you keep another handgun for a backup.

#6. Your handgun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5. A handgun takes up remarkably little closet space.

#4. Handguns function normally every day of the month.

#3. A handgun has never asked... "Do these grips make my butt look fat?"

#2. A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the number one reason... You can buy a silencer for a handgun.

**Muddy** · #73 (**permalink**) 03-16-2010, 04:05 PM

LOL! Rob, yer gonna get shot.

edosauyi · #74 (**permalink**) 03-17-2010, 09:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vivianrollins

Want a day off work?
So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for. There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away fron work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be darned if you are going to take that day off!

I have came across this several times and it gives me instant headache each time i try to figure out where the errors are, i know there are a lot of errors in that calculation but it convinces a lot that it is true whereas it is false.