Funny Jokes :) - Page 9

devonshire · Share | #**161** (**permalink**) 09-06-2010, 12:54 PM

"The boss called one of his employees into the office. "Rob," he said, "you've been with the company for a year now. You started off in the mail room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice-president. Now, it's time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to that?"

"Thanks,Dad," said the employee."

**Muddy** · #**162** (**permalink**) 09-10-2010, 07:58 AM

Did you hear about the robbery in the laundry room?

michael007 · #**163** (**permalink**) 09-14-2010, 11:32 AM

Boy to Gym Coach:
I Wanna Impress Cute Girl I'm gonna meet in 3 days.
Which Machine Should I Use?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Coach: Use the ATM machine Outside the Gym! :-)

Cryxellis · #**164** (**permalink**) 09-20-2010, 12:32 AM

The Scenario is about the mother complaining to her child..

Mother: My child, are you not ashame? I work a lot here and you
are do nothing but play.

Child: Mother, isn't it more shameful if I do the household and
you do nothing but play?

I just heard of this at the radio while riding in an FX, and thought
to share it in here

**Muddy** · #**165** (**permalink**) 09-26-2010, 09:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Muddy

Did you hear about the robbery in the laundry room?

Two clothes pins held up a pair of pants.

**Muddy** · #**166** (**permalink**) 09-26-2010, 09:48 AM

DIARY ON A CRUISE SHIP

DEAR DIARY - DAY 1

All packed for the cruise ship -- all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting.
Our local Red Hat chapter decided on this "all-girls" trip.
It will be my first one, - and I can't wait!

--------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 2

Entire day at sea, beautiful. Saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today -- seems like a very nice man.

--------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 3

At the pool today. Did some shuffleboard, hit golf balls off the deck. Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.
----------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 4

Won $800.00 in the ship's casino. Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a scrumptious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night, but I declined. Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband.

--------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 5

Pool again today. Got sunburned, and I went inside to drink at piano-bar, stayed there for rest of day. Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks.
Really is quite charming. Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night. Again I declined. He told me, if I did not let him have his way with me, he would sink the ship... I was shocked.

--------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 6

Today I saved 1600 lives.

Twice.

johnywalter · #**167** (**permalink**) 09-30-2010, 03:25 AM

Actual writings on hospital charts:
1. She has no rigors or shaking chills , but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

LottoMagicZ4941 · #**168** (**permalink**) 09-30-2010, 09:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jerryhost.info

LOL. Those are really funny

A cop pulled over a guy driving badly, and said "Sir, I'm going to need you to breath into this breathalizer for me.".
The guy said, "I can't".
"Why not", said the cop.
He said, "I have teriable asthma, i might have an attack."
"Then I'm going to need you to walk this white line"
"Oh, I can't do that either."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."

did you hear about the drunk that won the lotto?
S/he got loaded

michael007 · #**169** (**permalink**) 09-30-2010, 06:35 PM

A Psycho Professor
Who used to speak naughty things during lecture.
Girls decided that next time he'd start any such thing
they'd leave the class in protest.
Somehow He got wind of their scheme.
The following day
he continued lecture smoothly then he suddenly said,
"u know there's shortage of prostitutes in France?".
Girls looked at each other and moved to door.
He gave a big smile n said,
"sit down
theres no flight to France till tomorrow morning!''
:-)

divakarg01 · #**170** (**permalink**) 10-01-2010, 08:52 AM

Its very funny enough.
I like blonde jokes.

**Muddy** · #**171** (**permalink**) 10-02-2010, 07:32 PM

The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Snakeair, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy to bunk with Snake was Deepsand and he comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Snake snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was CReed's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot... They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Snake shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."

The third night was Rob's turn. Rob was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man.

The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Snake into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Snake sat up and watched me all night."

megbrian · #**172** (**permalink**) 10-05-2010, 02:12 AM

There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk. Really, really drunk.
When the bar closed he got up to go home. As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face. Before she could do or say anything, he punched her again. This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt. Then he picked her up and threw her into a wall. "Not very strong tonight, are you Batman?"

jackeynicklaus · #**173** (**permalink**) 10-05-2010, 02:58 AM

One more joke that I want to share :

Dad to son: when I beat you how do you control your anger?
Son: I start cleaning toilet
Dad: How does that satisfy you?
Son: I clean it with your toothbrush

trentz · #**174** (**permalink**) 10-06-2010, 01:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jackeynicklaus

One more joke that I want to share :

Dad to son: when I beat you how do you control your anger?
Son: I start cleaning toilet
Dad: How does that satisfy you?
Son: I clean it with your toothbrush

lolz..
i sudenly thought of doing this to my roommate's brush

i hate him for wearing my underware

**Muddy** · #**175** (**permalink**) 10-06-2010, 07:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by trentz

lolz..
i sudenly thought of doing this to my roommate's brush

i hate him for wearing my underware

I'm sure he looks ridiculous in a bra anyway,

Carissa · #**176** (**permalink**) 10-27-2010, 11:46 PM

Check this out.

John and David were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, John suddenly dove into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there.
David promptly jumped in to save him. He swam to the bottom of the pool and pulled John out. The Medical Director came to know of David's heroic act. He immediately ordered that David be discharged from the mental hospital as he considered him to be okay.
The doctor told David, "We have good news and bad news for you, David! The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses. Since you were able to jump in and save another patient you must be mentally stable. The bad news is that the patient whom you saved, Mr. John, hung himself in the bathroom, and died".
David replied, "Doctor he didn't hang himself, I hung him there to dry".

DavidBones · #**177** (**permalink**) 10-30-2010, 09:20 AM

A Child to Sales Girl in a sweet shop: Miss will you marry me when i grow up?
Girl smiled and said: Yes
Child Said: Can you give your future husband free chocolate.

fareiy · #**178** (**permalink**) 10-30-2010, 05:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jerryhost.info

LOL. Those are really funny

A cop pulled over a guy driving badly, and said "Sir, I'm going to need you to breath into this breathalizer for me.".
The guy said, "I can't".
"Why not", said the cop.
He said, "I have teriable asthma, i might have an attack."
"Then I'm going to need you to walk this white line"
"Oh, I can't do that either."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."

haha, this is nice one joke !

johnywalter · #**179** (**permalink**) 11-12-2010, 07:33 AM

in one of our meetings (it was funny for me)
Meeting coordinator: Please tell us something about yourself and how long you have been here...

Office mate: I've been here since 3:30.

Jidod · #**180** (**permalink**) 11-12-2010, 09:26 PM

Tom is sick of of city life so buys some land in Alaska, as far away from humanity as possible. He sees the mailman once a week and goes out to buy groceries once a month. Other than that, it's total peace and quiet.
After six months of solitude, a huge bearded man knocks on his door.
"Hi I'm Chuck, your neighbor from down the road." he says "I'm having a party on Friday night, and I thought you would like to come."
"Great," says Tom. "I'm ready to meet a few locals."
"I have to warn you." says Chuck. "There will be some drinking."
"Fine by me." says Tom.
"And more than likely some fighting too."
"I think I can handle that." says Tom.
"And there will probably be some wild sex."
That's not a problem." says Tom. "I'm quite broad minded. Now what should I wear?"
"It doesn't matter it's just going to be the two of us."