Webmaster Forum

Go Back   Webmaster Forum > The Webmaster Forums > Forum Lobby

Forum Lobby The off-topic forum.


Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Share |
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 11-09-2009, 04:15 PM
Contributing Member
Latest Blog:
None

 
Join Date: 10-03-09
Posts: 77
iTrader: 0 / 0%
Cool Funny Jokes :)

Hey got any funny jokes? post them below.

Here is mine

Blonde paint job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
__________________
I NEED TO KNOW IT ALL
 
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 11-10-2009, 10:34 AM
Contributing Member
Latest Blog:
None

 
Join Date: 10-11-09
Posts: 83
iTrader: 0 / 0%
Short Jokes for Laughing A Lot

Hello All,

Here are some short jokes i found them in internet so i hope to make you laugh a lot:


1 )

teacher asked student to write 55. student asked: How ? teacher said it is simple just write 5 then beside it another 5.

student wrote 5 and then stopped. teacher: what are waiting for ? student: I don't konw which side to write the 5 !!


2 )

customer in the resturant I would like to have a p-late of rice and a piece of fried cheken and a cup of coffee
waitress : is it enough sir ?
customer: what ? do you think i can't more ?


3)


Father: what did you do today to help your mother ?

son: i dried the dishes Daughter: and I helped pick up pieces
__________________
From improved link popularity to increased visibility in major search engines, our submitters have a lot to offer
Effective Automatic Submiters Software
 
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 11-10-2009, 12:13 PM
Contributing Member
Latest Blog:
None

 
Join Date: 11-09-09
Posts: 194
iTrader: 0 / 0%
I like 3. But not brilliant man!
__________________
BUY websites and domains or SELL your website or domain easily with www.websitebrocour.com
 
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 11-10-2009, 04:27 PM
Contributing Member
Latest Blog:
None

 
Join Date: 10-03-09
Posts: 77
iTrader: 0 / 0%
There good there just not side splitting. But thanks for sharing
__________________
I NEED TO KNOW IT ALL
 
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 11-10-2009, 10:08 PM
Banned
Latest Blog:
None

 
Join Date: 03-10-09
Location: Huh... I-I-I also forgot
Posts: 120
iTrader: 0 / 0%
three monkeys escaped from the zoo.
the first was caught on a tree, the second was caught eating banana while the third was caught reading this SMS!
 
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 11-11-2009, 08:18 AM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: 11-11-09
Posts: 1
iTrader: 0 / 0%
Wink

"If at first you don't succeed - paradiving is not for you!"

"Can I file a counter claim on Judgement Day?"

"Don't argue with men - they are never right, anyway!"

Cheers!
 
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 11-11-2009, 12:59 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: 08-21-09
Posts: 12
iTrader: 0 / 0%
LOL. Those are really funny

A cop pulled over a guy driving badly, and said "Sir, I'm going to need you to breath into this breathalizer for me.".
The guy said, "I can't".
"Why not", said the cop.
He said, "I have teriable asthma, i might have an attack."
"Then I'm going to need you to walk this white line"
"Oh, I can't do that either."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
 
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 11-11-2009, 01:17 PM
Contributing Member
Latest Blog:
None

 
Join Date: 10-03-09
Posts: 77
iTrader: 0 / 0%
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerryhost.info View Post
LOL. Those are really funny

A cop pulled over a guy driving badly, and said "Sir, I'm going to need you to breath into this breathalizer for me.".
The guy said, "I can't".
"Why not", said the cop.
He said, "I have teriable asthma, i might have an attack."
"Then I'm going to need you to walk this white line"
"Oh, I can't do that either."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
LOL i like this one
__________________
I NEED TO KNOW IT ALL
 
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 11-11-2009, 09:30 PM
Contributing Member
Latest Blog:
None

 
Join Date: 11-11-09
Posts: 61
iTrader: 0 / 0%
philosophy teacher: (places chair on desk) for your final prove to me that this chair does not exist

student writes: what chair?
__________________
Investment Strategies - Want to learn how to invest? Come read and find out!
BillboardTweet.com Come Follow Your Favorite Musicians on Twitter!
 
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 11-12-2009, 12:55 AM
teamnirvana's Avatar
Contributing Member
 
Join Date: 05-05-09
Location: Online
Posts: 73
iTrader: 0 / 0%
Lemme laugh first and then post some more from my side.
 
  #11 (permalink)  
Old 12-05-2009, 06:36 PM
Contributing Member
Latest Blog:
None

 
Join Date: 12-05-09
Posts: 56
iTrader: 0 / 0%
hahaha funy and so funy hahahaha
 
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 12-05-2009, 11:14 PM
C()nker's Avatar
Contributing Member
Latest Blog:
None

 
Join Date: 12-05-09
Posts: 56
iTrader: 0 / 0%
[Please keep the jokes clean]

Last edited by pctec; 12-06-2009 at 11:47 AM. Reason: poor taste joke
 
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 12-06-2009, 10:58 AM
v7n Mentor
Latest Blog:
None

 
Join Date: 01-13-09
Posts: 1,429
iTrader: 0 / 0%
Hear the one about the wife who decided to surprise her husband at the door wearing nothing but her birthday suit?

The husband looked and said, "Needs ironing."



Guy goes into a bar, and there's only a robot bartender. He walks up to the bar.

The robot says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini."

The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "Whats your IQ?"

The guy says, "168".

The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says,"What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini".

Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, "Whats your IQ?"

The guy says, "100."

The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini", and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, "Whats your IQ?"

The guy says, "Uh, about 50."

The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?"



I got a nephew that I think a lot of and he works for Shell Oil Company.

About four years ago they moved him down to South American and I ain't seen him since.

But he still thinks about me and Ma Crabapple. Every Christmas he sends us a nice present.

This past Christmas he sent us a LIVE bird. Green bird, 'bout this tall, has a little yellow topnotch on his head with some red on it and a hooked beak - sent it to us live from South America.

I tell ya somethin' - that bird was delicious. Yes sir.

We had him for Christmas dinner. We fixed him with some dressin' and cranberry sauce, sweet pertater scuffle.

Well, after Christmas my nephew called. Wanted to know if we got the bird.

We got him. Wanted to know how we liked him.

I said, "He was delicious."

He said, "You don't mean you ATE the bird?!"

I said, "Well, of course we did."

My nephew got all upset and just pitched a fit.

He said, "I paid a FORTUNE for that bird!" He said, "That thing's worth a fortune!" He said, "That bird can speak two languages!"

I said, "Oh. Well, he shoulda said sumpthin."


__________________
.

Need an extra $300-$500 each weekend - in cash? Get Paid In Cash!

Learn How To Buy Almost Anything Wholesale and Save 70-90% Off Retail. Wal Mart does NOT sell for less! The Top 250
 
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 12-06-2009, 12:14 PM
Banned
Latest Blog:
None

 
Join Date: 05-12-09
Location: pakistan
Posts: 915
iTrader: 40 / 100%
lolzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz nothing possible friends
 
  #15 (permalink)  
Old 12-06-2009, 01:15 PM
v7n Mentor
Latest Blog:
None

 
Join Date: 01-13-09
Posts: 1,429
iTrader: 0 / 0%
A cowboy from Texas attends a social function where Barack Obama is trying to gather more support for his Health Plan. Once he discovers the cowboy is from President Bush’s home area, he starts to belittle him by talking in a southern drawl and single syllable words.

As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The cowboy says, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"

Obama stopped talking and said, "Well, yes, if that's what they're called, but I've never heard of circle flies."

"Well Sir," the cowboy replies, "circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."

"Oh," Obama replies as he goes back to rambling. But, a moment later he stops and bluntly asks, "Are you calling me a horse's patootey?"

"No, Sir," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for the citizens of this country to call their President a horse's patootey."

"That's a good thing," Obama responds and begins rambling on once more.

After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says, "Hard to fool them flies, though."
__________________
.

Need an extra $300-$500 each weekend - in cash? Get Paid In Cash!

Learn How To Buy Almost Anything Wholesale and Save 70-90% Off Retail. Wal Mart does NOT sell for less! The Top 250
 
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 12-06-2009, 02:51 PM
v7n Mentor
Latest Blog:
None

 
Join Date: 01-13-09
Posts: 1,429
iTrader: 0 / 0%
* Tiger Woods complained after being fined $174 for his accident Friday morning, saying that normally for driving into a water hazard and hitting a tree he should only receive one penalty stroke -- DailyComedy.com

* Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron. Perhaps Tiger should be using a driver? -- National Post

* Tiger was a mailbox and a telephone pole short of his first "grand slam." -- DailyComedy.com
__________________
.

Need an extra $300-$500 each weekend - in cash? Get Paid In Cash!

Learn How To Buy Almost Anything Wholesale and Save 70-90% Off Retail. Wal Mart does NOT sell for less! The Top 250
 
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 12-07-2009, 02:48 PM
v7n Mentor
Latest Blog:
None

 
Join Date: 01-13-09
Posts: 1,429
iTrader: 0 / 0%
A woman walks out of the grocery on her way to her car but drops her bag of groceries on the pavement. Eggs, milk, tomato juice and a few other things are broken.

A drunk walks up, sees her crying as she tries to salvage what she can and says, "Ah, that's okay, lady. It wouldn't have lived anyway, it's eyes are too far apart."
__________________
.

Need an extra $300-$500 each weekend - in cash? Get Paid In Cash!

Learn How To Buy Almost Anything Wholesale and Save 70-90% Off Retail. Wal Mart does NOT sell for less! The Top 250
 
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 12-09-2009, 02:51 PM
v7n Mentor
Latest Blog:
None

 
Join Date: 01-13-09
Posts: 1,429
iTrader: 0 / 0%
An older fellow up in years was told by his doctor that he had six months to live...

He decided that he wanted to take something with him when he died..

He had 60,000 dollars saved up and found three people that he could trust to each put 20,000 dollars in the coffin...

He found a priest, a minister, and a lawyer and gave them each 20,000 dollars..

A couple of years after he died, the three gentlemen met at a party by some sort of coincidence...

And they all started talking about.."get a load of that fellow that wanted to take something with him when he died"

The priest said.."I have a confession to make..my church was short of funding, so I used 8,000 for the church, and put 12,000 dollars in the coffin"...

The minister said.."me too, our church needed a new roof, so I used 12,000 dollars for that and put 8,000 dollars in the coffin"...

The lawyer said.."you guys are clergy, doing the work of the Lord, and the Lord understands..I didn't need the money, so I put a check for the whole 20,000 in the coffin"..
__________________
.

Need an extra $300-$500 each weekend - in cash? Get Paid In Cash!

Learn How To Buy Almost Anything Wholesale and Save 70-90% Off Retail. Wal Mart does NOT sell for less! The Top 250
 
  #19 (permalink)  
Old 12-09-2009, 08:47 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: 12-09-09
Posts: 6
iTrader: 0 / 0%
Want a day off work?
So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for. There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away fron work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be darned if you are going to take that day off!
 
  #20 (permalink)  
Old 12-09-2009, 08:48 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: 12-09-09
Posts: 6
iTrader: 0 / 0%
Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all that dog food Fido wouldn't eat?

Shut up and eat your meat loaf.
 
Go Back   Webmaster Forum > The Webmaster Forums > Forum Lobby

Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 5 (0 members and 5 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Funny Marketing Jokes Rankenstein Marketing Forum 30 09-08-2009 12:03 AM
Funny SEO Jokes John Scott SEO Forum 29 05-27-2009 07:49 AM
Some funny Jokes LeifNisaan Forum Lobby 8 01-04-2009 10:53 PM
Jokes and funny stuff cbolts Forum Lobby 15 08-01-2005 08:57 PM


V7N Network
Get exposure! V7N I Love Photography V7N SEO Blog V7N Directory


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:37 PM.
Powered by vBulletin
Copyright © 2000-2014 Jelsoft Enterprises Limited.
Copyright © 2003 - 2014 Escalate Media




Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 RC 2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.