Cooker disaster leads to toasting candles

[StrongInTheArm]

Its been an average day. I got some spam from an 'Ivorian' sending emails from France about 12,000,000 somethings in the Ivory Coast. The cooker has exploded and the wife has gone off to a party without me on a Friday night.

I was on my 50th post, feeling quite good about it too. There was a loud bang from downstairs.

Naturally I finished my post, then ambled downstairs as quickly as panic would allow.
The L.O.H. (lovely other half) was shocked but OK, the little one was a bit worried but trying to be brave and smoke was billowing out of the electric cooker's grill.

Part of the heating element had been vaporised, it just was not there any more and the surrounding area was speckled with tiny metal balls radiating from where the missing element parts ought to be. Straight away I thought of my poor wallet.

Then it occurred to me, how am I going to have my Saturday morning toast?

After increasing the diameter of my bald patch for a while, I found some candles.

Now the question is can I make toast using candles?
How many will it take to toast two pieces of toast on both sides in a reasonable amount of time?
What is a reasonable amount of time, bearing in mind one man's reasonable is another man's concrete snail?

Any help answering these and other questions would be welcome. How was your day?

[Ferre]

Its been an average day. I got some spam from an 'Ivorian' sending emails from France about 12,000,000 somethings in the Ivory Coast and banned the assclown who send it. There's nothing wrong with the cooker, the wife and I had some casual friday afternoon sex, the cat came home with a pigeon and the kids came home from school turning our residence into the usual loud and chaotic madhouse.

Nothing special really. Now about your toast and those candles, I think it will take approx. 15 minutes to toast each piece of bread when you place four candles in a square of about 2 by 2 inches, moving the bread above it to cover all surface manually and flipping it regulary to cover both sides. Of course, your mileage may vary.

[StrongInTheArm]

Originally Posted by Ferre

... banned the assclown who send it.

May I extend my gratitude for not only the act you describe above but also for the phrase? It brought a chuckle to my thoughts of candles and toast.

15 minutes, with four candles. Of course the candles would need to be the same height. Yes, it could work.

Do you think lavender scented candles would impart any flavour to the toast?

Ah, sex, I remember the days when that was still possible. The little one has some built in sixth sense, as soon as we get within a foot of each other in bed he wakes up and comes to see what we are upto.

Abstinance doesn't make the heart grow fonder, it just makes me want to fondle her.

Thanks for the chuckle and the advice Ferre.

[watley]

Of course, be sure to maintain proper table manners in spite of your makeshift cookery. To do otherwise simply wouldn't be British.



(courtesy of the Department of Social Scrutiny British Table Manners - Part I: The Specialist Cutlery Guide)

[StrongInTheArm]

Thank you graciously Sir for the timely reminder. In times of hardship it will never do to forget that which makes us stand apart from the animals. Manners maketh the man indeed.

I assure you the table, undamage by the fracas, will be laid in accordance with good breakfast etiquette. Indeed, if we close the curtains, the candle light will only add to the ambience of the occassion.

[StrongInTheArm]

The lavender flavoured toast was gross.

[Julie]

Spend $10 to buy a cheap toaster!

[StrongInTheArm]

Originally Posted by Julie

Spend $10 to buy a cheap toaster!

NO, no, no.

So many reasons not to spend:

the environment, using even more electrical products not a good idea,
the new cooker is in the post, just got to get it delivered and installed,
I don't have $10,
having $10 wouldn't be any good to me in London, except to burn in a small fire to make the toast,
its an intellectual challenge, 'live without a cooker for x number of days',
and finally the big one,

yes I'M A CHEAPSKATE.

OK, you happy now you got it out of me.

I'm hungry, I need a warm meal and its only been a day!

And my wallets going to have a big whole in it.

[TicTacWebsites]

Tin foil rectangular pans over 6 tealite candles. That way lavender-flavored smoke does not get onto your bread.

[StrongInTheArm]

Originally Posted by TicTacWebsites

Tin foil rectangular pans over 6 tealite candles. That way lavender-flavored smoke does not get onto your bread.

I wish you had joined sooner, that idea might have worked.