Absence of love kills

[Bonnie24]

Originally Posted by Cricket

I thank God for "Unanswered Prayers".

interesting...and what were your unanswered prayers? if not a secret of course....

[Bonnie24]

Originally Posted by digiweb

I had suicidal depression many years before Bonnie's current age. Would you have told me that? How would you have expected me to respond?

Telling someone that they shouldn't feel the way they do is often part of the problem, not part of the solution.

digiweb, and what caused your depression? sorry for disturbing your past, if you don;t want to answer, it will be ok, I understand you very well

[digiweb]

Originally Posted by Bonnie24

Digiweb, sorry, didn't understand your post....sorry

It's OK. What I am asking is do you ever cope with your feelings by using drugs or alcohol? That's "abuse," as opposed to a fun Saturday night in an altered state. That's recreation.

[Bonnie24]

Originally Posted by digiweb

It's OK. What I am asking is do you ever cope with your feelings by using drugs or alcohol? That's "abuse," as opposed to a fun Saturday night in an altered state. That's recreation.

Digiweb, to tell you the truth - yes but not like drug-addicts or alcoholics - no, just a few times, when I was feeling extremely bad.

[mabel01]

woah! don't be an addicted or alcoholic! it isn't good is it? it's ok to drink but not much..

[Bonnie24]

Originally Posted by mabel01

woah! don't be an addicted or alcoholic! it isn't good is it? it's ok to drink but not much..

NO, NO, not at all!!!!!!!! I know its bad!!! It can happen only once in 6 months!!

[digiweb]

Technically a couple of times is not a problem symptom, I think.

I've taken part of this discussion out of the public part of the site.

[zeruel]

sometimes drinking alcohol and getting drunk can relieve "a little" of our depressions... but we must understand that it will "never" be a solution with regards broken relationships.. yes, it's hard but getting into drugs and getting drunk could make things even worst..

[Cricket]

Relieve depression? Alcohol is classified as a depressant.

[Bonnie24]

alcohol just makes "forget" but it doesn't solve problems....unfortunately

[sitetutor]

Originally Posted by Bonnie24

alcohol just makes "forget" but it doesn't solve problems....unfortunately

and it can lead you into a new relationship with someone you can do better without

[sitetutor]

Originally Posted by digiweb

I had suicidal depression many years before Bonnie's current age. Would you have told me that? How would you have expected me to respond?

Telling someone that they shouldn't feel the way they do is often part of the problem, not part of the solution.

It doesn´t mean I´m telling anyone how to feel. I´m 38 and have been thru a lot in my early 20s and made it thru that. What I´m saying is that in life you never know what´s around the corner. One good decision can change your whole life and make you forget all the pain you´ve been thru before.

My point is that when you´re 70 and alone, that to me is sad, I see a reason to be hopeless. But when you are 25 and have something to give, there will always be someone at the other end ready to receive and give back 10 fold. The problem is finding that person, and IMO good things always happen when you don´t expect them, have peace inside regardless and are positive about your future.

Sorry if I came off the wrong way ... I will shut up now.

[digiweb]

Originally Posted by sitetutor

Sorry if I came off the wrong way ... I will shut up now.

You're cool. I hope you keep responding. Good clarification.

I felt bad about the way I worded my response anyway.

[disclaimer, Bonnie24, I'm not saying you're clinically depressed, I'm just making a point...]

Clinical depression is a very different animal than rough times, no matter how rough they are.

In the bible, for instance, Job went through hell on earth. He was sad and heartbroken. But he never lost faith. He had hope. So he wasn't clinically depressed.

Clinical depression is like being in a swimming pool with the cover on. You can see the light above but you have no idea how to get to it. You lose hope. You are helpless. You are defeated. And you're also drowning.

A helpful, caring person might say, "There's so much oxygen above the cover, just breathe it.

You say, "There's just this little matter of 'I can't.'"

It's so bizarre to the people around you. You have arms and legs, push through the cover and breathe.

But you can't. You don't know how, you don't know if you want to, and you're sinking to the bottom in your coat made from lead.

Breathing looks so simple, sometimes.

Telling a person with hope to be hopeful reinforces their strength. Telling a clinically depressed person to be hopeful is like telling a paralyzed person to walk. It's just not appropriate to their reality.

[Bonnie24]

Originally Posted by sitetutor

It doesn´t mean I´m telling anyone how to feel. I´m 38 and have been thru a lot in my early 20s and made it thru that. What I´m saying is that in life you never know what´s around the corner. One good decision can change your whole life and make you forget all the pain you´ve been thru before.

My point is that when you´re 70 and alone, that to me is sad, I see a reason to be hopeless. But when you are 25 and have something to give, there will always be someone at the other end ready to receive and give back 10 fold. The problem is finding that person, and IMO good things always happen when you don´t expect them, have peace inside regardless and are positive about your future.

Sorry if I came off the wrong way ... I will shut up now.

No, no, don't shut up! thank you for your advice, but digiweb just described the way I feel - I want to be positive, but simply can't - every day you wake up and you realize you are alone again - very painful feeling. And how did you meet your partner?

[Bonnie24]

Originally Posted by digiweb

You're cool. I hope you keep responding. Good clarification.

I felt bad about the way I worded my response anyway.

[disclaimer, Bonnie24, I'm not saying you're clinically depressed, I'm just making a point...]

Clinical depression is a very different animal than rough times, no matter how rough they are.

In the bible, for instance, Job went through hell on earth. He was sad and heartbroken. But he never lost faith. He had hope. So he wasn't clinically depressed.

Clinical depression is like being in a swimming pool with the cover on. You can see the light above but you have no idea how to get to it. You lose hope. You are helpless. You are defeated. And you're also drowning.

A helpful, caring person might say, "There's so much oxygen above the cover, just breathe it.

You say, "There's just this little matter of 'I can't.'"

It's so bizarre to the people around you. You have arms and legs, push through the cover and breathe.

But you can't. You don't know how, you don't know if you want to, and you're sinking to the bottom in your coat made from lead.

Breathing looks so simple, sometimes.

Telling a person with hope to be hopeful reinforces their strength. Telling a clinically depressed person to be hopeful is like telling a paralyzed person to walk. It's just not appropriate to their reality.

Digiweb - exactly it happens this way

[sitetutor]

Originally Posted by Bonnie24

And how did you meet your partner?

By accident, going out with my friends and there she was ...

I think friends are the most important thing on earth when you don`t have someone special. I think that the best thing to do is go out and have a good time with people you care about. When you have fun regardless, you send out fun vibes and others will be drawn to you as well.

Great post, Digi. Yes, hope floats. You sometimes have to let go and say fuggit, my way didn`t work. I surrender my will to God and whatever plan he has for me is better than my own.

Yes, that is easily said, and faith is something you want to give to others but don`t always have the courage to follow on your own.

We all have passions, desires aside from the desire to be with someone special. We have to find it sometimes.

Or just hang out in forums all day, that`s cool too. When me and my ex seperated, that`s when I started hanging on the internet all day and night. (I know, that`s not good either, but it helped me thru a lot back then always having someone to talk to when everyone around me felt so bad about me, that they didn`t know how to approach me about it).


Unfortunately, there is nothing I or anyone can say to do it for you. What works for me, won`t work for you.

I think that you starting this thread was a great step. One step at a time. Time will tell.

[Bonnie24]

thank you, Sitetutor!