Absence of love kills

[Zap]

I think I have to side with John on the definition of codependence.

The Wiki may have a negative connotation to it, but I think that's more of a product of human fear of the negative things that happen during a codependent relationship.

Bees depend on nectar to make honey. Flowers depend on bees to reproduce.
They are codependent but it is not a negative relationship.

[Julie]

Yes, you can be dependent on eachother and should be to some degree, but there is a point when it becomes unhealthy. Another term for it is an addictive relationship.

[John Scott]

Go to a bar. Low cut dress. Make eyes at guys. Boom, you got a guy.

Other popular singles joints: Craigslist, Yahoo Personals, churches, Starbucks, v7n, parks (walk a friend's dog), work (large percentage of marriages are amongst co-workers), or do some volunteer work. Seems like single people are the only ones who do volunteer work, and they do it to meet others.

[John Scott]

Originally Posted by Julie

Yes, you can be dependent on eachother and should be to some degree, but there is a point when it becomes unhealthy. Another term for it is an addictive relationship.

You lose woman, shuttup already.

[Julie]

I did not "lose" anything. This is not a competition.

Are you going to tell me... (for example) that a woman who is with a man who gets the crap beat out of her, but stays because she is afraid of being alone is sane? Do you think that that is normal? That's classic co-dependency to an extreme degree.

[John Scott]

Originally Posted by Julie

I did not "lose" anything. This is not a competition.

Are you going to tell me... (for example) that a woman who is with a man who gets the crap beat out of her, but stays because she is afraid of being alone is sane? Do you think that that is normal? That's classic co-dependency to an extreme degree.

You're still working off yesterday's definition.

Are you going to tell me that the love of Romeo and Juliet that ended in both their deaths was a disorder?

[Zap]

Originally Posted by Julie

Are you going to tell me... (for example) that a woman who is with a man who gets the crap beat out of her, but stays because she is afraid of being alone is sane? Do you think that that is normal? That's classic co-dependency to an extreme degree.

That is a case where both the man and the woman have a sickness that needs to be addressed, but I think it's inaccurate to call the sickness "codependence".
There are many examples of codependence that are beneficial to both participants in a relationship. And, even codependence in a human marriage is not necessarily a bad thing.
I would tend to think that the best marriages (the ones that last 30, 40, 50 years) have some sort of codependence component to them. Marriages aren't easy. They take work. Our dependencies on the other make us want to work during the hard times. These dependencies can be as innocuous as a personality trait that your spouse has a better grasp of than you. There are things that my wife does much better than me. I try to depend on her to help provide guidance in those areas.

For example, a hot tempered husband might rely more on his much more even tempered wife to call up the local ISP and complain about their service because he knows if he calls, they'll be cut off.

[mikey.]

Originally Posted by John Scott

You're still working off yesterday's definition.

Are you going to tell me that the love of Romeo and Juliet that ended in both their deaths was a disorder?

Hey man, no disrespect, but you gotta agree, that romeo and Juliet crap was messed up, that happens now, in todays world, no other way to define it, you would say both were bloody mad you know?

[sitetutor]

it's not codepenence if the feeling is mutual between two people, but til you're in that situation (which may or may not come), you have to be cool being by yourself

[John Scott]

Originally Posted by mikey.

Hey man, no disrespect, but you gotta agree, that romeo and Juliet crap was messed up, that happens now, in todays world, no other way to define it, you would say both were bloody mad you know?

I love it. I'm a romantic, and in Japan double suicide is not that rare (shinju). Usually happens when they love each other but cannot be together because the parents do not approve.

Every time I hear of a shinju, I'm like, "aw, that's so sweet".

[mikey.]

Originally Posted by John Scott

I love it. I'm a romantic, and in Japan double suicide is not that rare (shinju). Usually happens when they love each other but cannot be together because the parents do not approve.

Every time I hear of a shinju, I'm like, "aw, that's so sweet".

You're sick! I love it.

[Cricket]

*snatches Johns new coffee maker and runs like heck*

[Zap]

Originally Posted by sitetutor

it's not codepenence if the feeling is mutual between two people

Did you mean...

it's not codepenence until the feeling is mutual between two people

By definition, it requires the dependence of both, dude.
Did you just wake up or something?

[John Scott]

Originally Posted by Cricket

*snatches Johns new coffee maker and runs like heck*

*Shoots Cricket in with a .50 caliber sniper rifle*

[ewomack]

I would not enter into a relationship until you're comfortable being single. If you feel the way your posts suggest (to me, at least), you need to become comfortable with yourself before anyone else will become comfortable with you. Your issue sounds more personal and individual than relationship-oriented. Ask yourself why you feel this way when you're single. What's missing? And does a relationship really fill the gap you feel?

Many people avoid being single at any cost. That's a mistake. You're better off single than with someone who's incompatible.

[mikey.]

Originally Posted by John Scott

*Shoots Cricket in with a .50 caliber sniper rifle*

I have been sworn to loyally protect that woman at all costs.
*dives and takes the bullet in the shoulder for Cricket*
Damn you John.

[Atom]

Even the good co-dependence scares me. I'm doomed.

[Cricket]

Originally Posted by Cricket

*snatches Johns new coffee maker and runs like heck*

Originally Posted by John Scott

*Shoots Cricket in with a .50 caliber sniper rifle*

Originally Posted by mikey.

I have been sworn to loyally protect that woman at all costs.

*dives and takes the bullet in the shoulder for Cricket*

Damn you John.

ROFLMAO . . .

I am laughing too hard to type.

[Atom]

Originally Posted by ewomack

I would not enter into a relationship until you're comfortable being single. If you feel the way your posts suggest (to me, at least), you need to become comfortable with yourself before anyone else will become comfortable with you. Your issue sounds more personal and individual than relationship-oriented. Ask yourself why you feel this way when you're single. What's missing? And does a relationship really fill the gap you feel?

Many people avoid being single at any cost. That's a mistake. You're better off single than with someone who's incompatible.

Nice one.

[swiftmed]

i must say, i kind of feel the same way. i hate being alone, but i find it really hard to approach and "woo" the opposite sex.