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  #81  
Old 07-06-2008, 09:24 AM
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arpitagarwal82 arpitagarwal82 is offline
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A farmer goes into town, and purchases a rooster. he takes it home and as soon as itís out of itís cage it runs into the hen house and screws every single one.
The farmer, who is in shock, says "You crazy rooster, youíre going to kill yourself!"
As soon as heís out of the hen house, he spies a group of ducks and proceeds to screw every single one.
Not finished yet, the rooster locates a group of geese and screws every one.
"Stupid rooster, youíre going to kick the bucket if you donít slow down." says the farmer, then he goes inside for lunch.
Later that day, he goes outside to check on the animals, and sees the rooster, dead as a doornail on his back, with a trio of buzzards circling overhead.
"Screwy animal, what did I tell you about slowing down?" Grumbles the farmer as he approaches the rooster.
the rooster opens one eye and whispers" Back off man, theyíre getting closer."
 

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  #82  
Old 07-06-2008, 03:11 PM
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Haha rooster never gives up
 
  #83  
Old 07-08-2008, 05:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by krahmaan View Post
I'd say that with all the malpractice going on and the sales of body parts on the underground black market, the procedure should be free.

Do you know someone or a site doing it for free?
 
  #84  
Old 07-08-2008, 09:23 AM
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hahahahah...awesome!!
 
  #85  
Old 07-09-2008, 07:19 AM
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I really liked the jokes. Especially the rooster joke. Keep sharing guys.
 
  #86  
Old 07-10-2008, 05:29 AM
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A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note. "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money.Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7 AM." Signed, "The Blonde." She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag was the following note. "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."
 
  #87  
Old 07-10-2008, 11:31 AM
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whahahahah...it makes me wanna LOL
 
  #88  
Old 07-11-2008, 05:48 AM
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One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts.
He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth. In the Middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he Turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried To dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He Called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they Became worried and decided to go to the hospital.

As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their Daughter's' date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, The peanut flew out of his ear.

The mother and daughter jumped and Yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing.

Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, 'That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going To be when he grows older?'

The father replied, 'From the smell of his fingers, our son In-law.'
 
  #89  
Old 07-11-2008, 08:15 AM
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Nice one jabo..LOL
 
  #90  
Old 07-11-2008, 08:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jamilla_0001 View Post
whahahahah...it makes me wanna LOL
Well LOL then!
 
  #91  
Old 07-13-2008, 05:38 PM
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watley watley is offline
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Two guys walk into a bar.

"Ow!" they say. "Why didn't we see that damn bar in the way?"
 
  #92  
Old 07-14-2008, 05:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jabo View Post
A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note. "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money.Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7 AM." Signed, "The Blonde." She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag was the following note. "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."
this ones good!

a story of stupidity
 
  #93  
Old 07-14-2008, 06:42 AM
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StarLab StarLab is offline
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A tad sexist...

A Woman is flying out to California for business. When the pilot come over the intercom and tells everyone to brace for impact, she decides she is going to die on her own terms.

She heads to the front of the cabin where she quickly undresses, turns to face all the other passengers, and says "If I am going to die, I want to feel like a woman. Is there a man on board that can make me feel like a real woman?"

A man towards the rear of the cabin stands up, takes off his shirt, and says "here, iron this!"
 
  #94  
Old 07-15-2008, 12:50 AM
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Kryvast Kryvast is offline
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CDC ALERT!!!

^Classic

This one ain't that funny, I just like it

The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly Contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by Hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues, or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.


Take two good friends to the nearest store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.


You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
 
  #95  
Old 07-15-2008, 01:11 AM
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i love to read all the jokes.. LOL..
 
  #96  
Old 07-15-2008, 02:21 AM
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arpitagarwal82 arpitagarwal82 is offline
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Little Johnny and his father were walking down the street one day, and two ladies bumped into one another in front of them.
The one lady looked at the other and slapped her across the face. "You bitch," yelled the one lady.
Stunned, the lady that was slapped yelled out, "You bag."
Little Johnny, never heard those words before, turns to his dad. "Dad, what are bags and bitches?"
"Oh, that's just another name for women," replied his dad.
"Oh, okay," said Johnny.
The two make it home and Little Johnny follows his dad up to the washroom to watch his daddy shave.
While shaving, Little Johnny's dad cuts himself. "Oh ****," he said.
"Daddy, what's ****?" asked Little Johnny.
"Oh, that's just another name for shaving your self," replied his father.
Bored, Little Johnny wanders downstairs to find his mother cooking a turkey. As his mother reached into the oven, she burnt her hand. "****!" she yells.
"Mom, what's ****?" questionned Johnny.
"That's just another word for cooking the turkey."
"Oh, I get it," said Johnny.
All of a sudden, the doorbell rings. "I'll get it!" yells Johnny as he runs to the door. He then opened the door to find a group of old ladies standing outside.
"Hello young man. Are you parents home?" asked the front lady.
"Hello bags and bitches. My dad's upstairs ****ting himself and my mom's downstairs ****ing the turkey."
 
  #97  
Old 07-15-2008, 02:24 AM
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arpitagarwal82 arpitagarwal82 is offline
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A man walks into a bar in London and ordered 3-glasses of beer
and sits in the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in
turn.

When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more.
The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the
glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time."

The man replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in
Dubai, the other in Canadaand I'm here in London.

When they left home, we promised that we'll drink this way to remember
the days when we drank together.


The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there.

The man became a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.
He order 3-Beers and drinks them in turn.

One day, he came in and ordered only 2-Beers All the other regulars
notice and fall silent.


When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says,"
I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere
condolences on your great loss. "

The man looked confused for a moment, then he laughs .... "Oh, no,"
he, said, "Everyone's fine - both my brothers are alive" .


" The only thing is
...............

...............

...............

...............

...............

...............

...............

...............

...............

...............

...............

...............

...............

...............







I just quit drinking!!!
 
  #98  
Old 07-15-2008, 02:47 AM
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Are you all Human? hahaahh joke
 
  #99  
Old 07-16-2008, 04:27 AM
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jabo jabo is offline
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Here's a prime example of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are From Venus"
offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:
The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a
new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person
will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right.
As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a
short story.
You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me.
The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph
to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The
first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.
Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the
story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the
e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The
story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:
Rebecca and Gary.

-------------------------------------------
THE STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about
him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of
the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about
than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with
whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. " A.S. Harris to
Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar
orbit established.
No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish
particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his
ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of
his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt
one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who
had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
Laurie read in her newspaper one morning.
The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the
window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and
carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from
her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her.
"Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered
wistfully.

(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched
the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks
who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the
congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien
empires who were determined to destroy the human race.
Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships
were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the
entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their
diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere
unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose
attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I
have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA??? Oh
no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many
Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)

As_hole.

(Gary)

Bitch

(Rebecca)

F__K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!

(Gary)

Go drink some tea - whore.

(TEACHER)

*A+ - I really liked this one.*
 
  #100  
Old 07-16-2008, 04:37 AM
aira aira is offline
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Their patched story was actually cool.. hehehe
 
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