2008 Democratic National Convention Agenda

[South]

7:00 pm Opening flag burning.

7:15 pm Pledge of Allegiance to the U.N.

7:20 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

7:25 pm Nonreligious prayer and worship with Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton

7:45 pm Ceremonial tree hugging

7:55 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

8:00 pm How I Invented the Internet - Al Gore

8:15 pm Gay Wedding Planning - Barney Frank presiding

8:35 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

8:40 pm Our Troops are War Criminals - John Kerry

9.00 pm Memorial service for Saddam and his sons - Cindy Sheehan and Susan Randon

10:00 pm "Answering Machine Etiquette" - Alec Baldwin

11:00 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

11:05 pm Collection for the Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund - Barbra Sreisand

11:15 pm Free the Freedom Fighters from Guantanamo Bay - Sean Penn

11:30 pm Oval Office Affairs - William Jefferson Clinton

11:45 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

11:50 pm How George Bush Brought Down the World Trade Towers - Howard Dean

12:15 am "Truth in Broadcasting Award" - Presented to Dan Rather by Michael Moore

12:25 am Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

12:30 am Satellite address by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

12:45 am Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Nancy Pelosi

1:00 am Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

1:05 am Coronation of Hillary Rodham Clinton

1:30 am Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

1:35 am Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hillary home

[Ferre]

9.00 pm Memorial service for Saddam and his sons - Cindy Sheehan and Susan Randon

One must be a Repubican to sinck that low in bad tasted humor.

[Zap]

Nice.


(Something tells me that Hillary ain't gonna make it.)

[Brian]

I've seen these floating around... lets not forget the repub's agenda.

2008 REPUBLICAN CONVENTION AGENDA
6:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell, now risen from the dead
6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance to George W. Bush
6:35 PM Ceremonial Burning of Bill of Rights
6:45 PM Salute to the Project for the New American Century
6:46 PM Seminar #1: Katherine Harris on “Are Elections Really Necessary?”
7:30 PM Announcement: Mark Foley Was a Closet Democrat
7:35 PM Trent Lott - “Re-Segregation in the 21st Century”
7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury: It’s What’s for Dinner
8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos Are After Your Children
8:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (men only)
8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: The Government of the Future
9:00 PM Dennis Hastert leads discussion: How to Shirk Responsibility and Get Away with It
9:05 PM Phyllis Schlafly speaks on “Why Women Shouldn’t Be Leaders”
9:10 PM EPA Address #2: Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires
9:30 PM Break for secret meetings
10:00 PM Second Prayer led by Pat Robertson
10:15 PM Karl Rove Lecture: How to Commit Perjury and Obstruction of Justice and Get Away with It
10:35 PM George W. Bush demonstration of trademark “deer in headlights” stare
10:40 PM John Ashcroft: New Mandatory Kevlar Chastity Belt
10:45 PM GOP’s Tribute to Tokenism, Colin Powell, Condoleeza Rice and Alberto Gonzales
10:46 PM Ann Coulter’s Tribute “Joe McCarthy, Great American Patriot”
10:50 PM Seminar #3: Education: A Drain on Our Nation’s Economy
11:10 PM Dick Cheney leads discussion: How to Shoot People, Cover It Up, and Get Away with It
11:20 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists: A Dangerous New Cult
11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11:35 PM Blame Bill Clinton
11:40 PM Twice-Divorced Newt Gingrich speaks on “The Sanctity of Marriage”
11:41 PM Announcement: Ronald Reagan to be added to Mt. Rushmore
11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
12:00 PM Nomination of GW Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord

[Ferre]

Hehhe, I knew that first one had to be inspired by something already existing.

[Zap]

Touché Brian.


Not so sure I like how it ended at 12:00, though.

[Brian]

I think 8:15 makes up for it's early exit

[Ferre]

Originally Posted by Zap

Touché Brian.


Not so sure I like how it ended at 12:00, though.

12:00 Ashcroft anoints everyone with Cisko oil.

[Zap]

I don't think they really needed to schedule George Bush's "deer in the headlights" look, either.
I'm pretty sure they could have just panned the camera over to his face every now and again and they'd still get it.

[John Scott]

10:15 PM Karl Rove Lecture: How to Commit Perjury and Obstruction of Justice and Get Away with It

Wouldn't Clinton be the ideal candidate for that?

[Zap]

Originally Posted by John Scott

Wouldn't Clinton be the ideal candidate for that?

I suppose either one would fit in there. (Pun intended, since we're talking about Clinton)

Of course... you could probably slide any politician's name in that slot, provided they have ever been on the witness stand in a trial.

[zibblu]

Almost as funny as Fox News' "half hour news hour." Conservatives just aren't funny.

[MakeYourFirst$$$]

Hahaha, the funny thing is that all of it is true.