Funny SEO Jokes

John Scott · 03-27-2006, 10:43 AM

http://www.stuntdubl.com/2006/03/24/...rs-its-a-joke/

Kirk · 03-27-2006, 10:49 AM

That's warmed up my cold English evening up MR Scott, well they tickled me anyway.

John Scott · 03-27-2006, 10:52 AM

Quote:

What is the difference between pigs and SEOs?
You can learn to respect a pig.

LOL

Kirk · 03-27-2006, 11:04 AM

What have pig's & SEO's got in common?

SPAM,

johnegood · 07-19-2006, 11:42 AM

Q - What's the difference between a seo consultant and a used car salesman?

A - The used car salesman knows when he is lying.

kickstart2 · 07-24-2006, 10:23 AM

I noticed that most of the jokes were intended for lawyers before they were edited to fit SEO's.

Can't fault them though cause I can't find much difference between the two.

John Scott · 07-24-2006, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kickstart2

Can't fault them though cause I can't find much difference between the two.

LOL

chicgeek · 07-24-2006, 11:07 AM

Good joke in itself...

**Rankenstein** · 07-25-2006, 07:27 AM

Pretty funny!

Q: What's the difference between an SEO and an artichoke?
A: The artichoke has a heart.

Q: What do you do if you see an SEO drowning?
A: Take your foot off his head

Funnily enough, before I stumbled into SEO, I was halfway through a law degree. That must mean something, surely?

Edited to add:
From Shakespeare's Henry VI:
"The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers."

johnegood · 07-02-2007, 08:16 PM

The definition of SEO SPAM?

Site Positioning Above Mine

css25 · 07-02-2007, 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnedelson

Q - What's the difference between a seo consultant and a used car salesman?

A - The used car salesman knows when he is lying.

LOL!

khaty · 07-03-2007, 03:07 AM

nice jokes.. i really laugh and get affected.. errr.. lol.

Jesse Vlasveld · 07-03-2007, 03:42 AM

Heh, their funny

What a hatred towards seo's!

* Reading the lawyer jokes now *

Quote:

A man walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared. "I will grant you three wishes," announced the genie. "But there is one condition. I am a lawyer's genie. That means that for every wish you make, every lawyer in the world gets the wish as well - only double." The man thought about this for a while. "For my first wish, I would like ten million dollars," he announced. Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited. "But every lawyer in the world has just received $20,000,000," the genie said. "I've always wanted a Ferrari," the man said. "That's my second wish." Instantly a Ferrari appeared. "But every lawyer in the world has just received two Ferraris," the genie said. "And what is your last wish?" "Well," said the man, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney for transplant."

LOL!

Quote:

How can you tell if a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.

!

Zrichie · 07-03-2007, 04:35 AM

It is the trade of SEOs to question everything, yield nothing, and to talk by the hour.
–Thomas Jefferson

Ha-ha!

johnegood · 07-03-2007, 05:50 AM

Here's the posting quoted a bit more in its entirety:

Whats the difference between a "SEO Consultant" and a used car salesman?

Answer: The used car salesman knows when he's lying.

First, let me apologize to those of you have have taken offense at that seo joke. Many used car salesman have been calling to complain ..... (ba da ding!)

Yes, that second seo joke was bad. Sadly, the seo industry includes many bad jokes.... (be da ding! be da ding!)

Seriously folks, I've receive alot of calls from SEO sales people and frankly, it would be hard to find a more-misguided group of people. And it's not that they mean to lie, its' just that they "get confused" and carried away and don't seem to really understand much.

My impression is that many of them were part of a SEO effort that resulted in some site coming out number one on some search engine for some keyphrase at some time.

At the time, they might have just been the secretary at the advertising agency that worked with the client.

But, in the course of time, these details got lost. Through the course of exaggeration and confusion, they lost track of what their actual role was and what was actually accomplished. Many of them are now boasting: "My last client used this technique and got to number 1 in 3 days!!!!" When they explain to me what they are planning to do, it seems to me to be very unlikely.

They believe that they really do know how to do SEO cost-effectively (or that they understand what that means), that they really can take any site and bring it to the top of the search engines, and that we should be gratified that they "prepared a customer analysis for you for free" (ie ran a few keyphrases thru some sort of analysis).

This is a true story, I found myself at a lunch with the firm president (saleguy) pushing for a signature on a contract for $5,000 month with no cancellation clause and no "level of effort" commitment nor reporting by the contractor?" If you think I'm exaggerating, I'll show you such a contract. The SEO company that I was meeting with was the one promoted by my hosting firm at the time (Webstream) and they were promoting them when I asked for advice as well as having their advertising across their site. The company pushed the contract to me repeatedly and really expected me to sign.
yick....

*****
In reality, there are really only two people who actually understand how the search engines work. Of course, they disagree....(yes, thats part of the routine....)

*******
My directory of SEO Jokes, Jokes about SEO, and Jokes about Search Engine Optimizers
*******

(OK. That one was a subtle. Did you miss the keyphrase threepeat? Are you paying attention?)

Quoted from -

skysoldier · 07-03-2007, 06:07 AM

It's called Hatred with Love for SEO! he...he...

doctornuke · 07-03-2007, 06:15 AM

Who dug this thread up ,man ..I have to admit that ,after reading this for three times ,I can understand only half ,may be no sense of humor or my english is so bad.

**Rankenstein** · 07-03-2007, 06:27 AM

Great post (by johnedelson)! I can sort of understand where people who slag off SEOs are coming from. And you're dead right that the sales guys don't always have much of a grasp of what they're selling.
I've heard SEO sales guys claim some really outlandish stuff. Particularly when they trying to persuade me to take their services.
I've had plenty of conversations like this:

Them: You see we're SEO experts....
Me: Huh, me too. So what do you do?
Them: Well, we work on your site doing x, y and z....
Me: Okay, well I've done that already. Have you looked at the site at all?
Them: Oh yes, we've noticed that you're not ranking for blah blah.
Me: If you go to Google and type in blah blah, oh look, there's my site!
Them: But we're experts.
Me: Yes, me too. Since I'm an SEO why do I need you?
Them: Have you seen our web beacons? We're experts. We'll also try get you to pay us to make pages to rank well, that we own, and that if you don't keep paying us we'll sell it to someone else, and we'll up the charge in a couple of months anyway. It's the best way.

and so it goes on...Actually I'm completely unsurprised and unoffended by jokes about SEO because I've heard what sales guys have said when they're selling on my behalf. I've seen pitches they've written that say things like:
"We will add hidden text to your site"
I didn't make that up, BTW. So a customer who has a clue will run a mile, thinking that the SEO our company is doing is dodgy as hell. When it is really the best in the world. Thanks, sales guys!

Anyhow, SEO is easy enough, very easy given the right site. Knowing what not to do is the hard bit.

Mark07 · 07-03-2007, 07:21 AM

Dead thread getting back to life.....good jokes though.