What reads better?

docquesting · Share | #1 (**permalink**) 12-19-2004, 10:14 PM

http://www.hostinginnovators.com/

#1 Hostinginnovators.com wants to make sure you have the best service possible at the right price. Also we would like to think we can tell you that we provide top quality customer service as well. Please feel free to call us any time during operation hours to find out. Before you call please check the help desk first. This should answer most of your questions so please do this to eliminate overload on hostinginnovators.com customer service. If your sick and tired of other hosting companies ripping you off please give us a try. We think you will be surprised at the quality and attention we give to your needs. Read this link about what to look for when choosing a host and why you should choose hostinginnovators.com. What to look for when choosing a host.

#2 Hostinginnovators.com is proud to announce the opening of its new website. With our hosting service we hope to prove to you that there is a better choice. Our customer service team will give you the personal touch you find lacking in so many companies today. Hostinginnovators.com thinks you will be impressed with our above average standard of service, and policy in going the extra mile. If you do have questions and need answers please visit (the help desk) first before calling. This will enable us to better service those who really do need the technical support this link does not provide. Read this link on what to look for when choosing a hosting provider. (What to look for when choosing a host). Thank you for taking the time to stop by and browse hostinginnovators.com

Can someone help to reword this to the best over all affect and meaning? I currently have two options. Am currently thinking second version is better. Should I even have said (new website) and change that? Make a note that why I used website domain in wording was becuase I was reading some seo stuff that this helps for ranking. Whatever is surrounded via () are where links go.

Thanks, Doc

P.s And Please nevermind other errors on site for now. I need to focus on this part.

TanyaMartin · #2 (**permalink**) 12-19-2004, 10:28 PM

This should answer most of your questions so please do this to eliminate overload on hostinginnovators.com customer service.

That overload, sounds like you always have to support stuff. Like there are always problems.

Atom · #3 (**permalink**) 12-19-2004, 10:58 PM

#2.

"Hostinginnovators.com is proud to announce the opening of its new website."

I would replace the word its, with the word our.

DaveyBoy · #4 (**permalink**) 12-20-2004, 01:38 AM

Don't think either sounds particular professionally-written, but if I have to choose one it would be paragraph 2

Jazzee · #5 (**permalink**) 12-20-2004, 05:40 AM

#2 sounds better than 1, but neither are professional at all.

Quote:

If you do have questions and need answers please visit (the help desk) first before calling.

Why do you put parentheses everywhere like that?

Quote:

This will enable us to better service those who really do need the technical support this link does not provide.

Basically, you are telling the customer that their problem isn't really worth your time.

DaveyBoy · #6 (**permalink**) 12-20-2004, 06:18 AM

Think the parentheses are to show that it's a link.

You might be better finding someone to cheaply write your copy for you, mate.

samer · #7 (**permalink**) 12-20-2004, 10:12 AM

p#2 is better imo.
and you could perhaps exchange a well written paragraph for a link or something

docquesting · #8 (**permalink**) 12-20-2004, 01:36 PM

Is there anyone willing to write this up profesional for me? I could put a link up on my www.dontplaybytherules.com for them for an exchange as mentioned.

Otherwise anymore suggestions?

LazyJim · #9 (**permalink**) 12-20-2004, 03:55 PM

I think #2 out of those two, but I didn't like the same part Sara mentioned.

Buskerdoo · #10 (**permalink**) 12-20-2004, 04:49 PM

Try something like the following. I've run out of time so it needs more work. Cut words, cut words, and then cut some more.

Hostinginnovators.com new hosting service is the better choice. Hostinginnovators.com thinks you will be impressed with our high standard of personal service. Our policy is to go the extra mile. Click on our extensive on-line help desk to answer your most frequently asked questions. Feel free to call if can't find what you need.

Click here to see what to look for when choosing a hosting provider.

Thank you for considering hostinginnovators.com

docquesting · #11 (**permalink**) 12-21-2004, 12:51 AM

Hey thanks that gives me a little more to go on. Although I doubt I should use the word (new). Maybe some more opinions on this?

docquesting · #12 (**permalink**) 12-21-2004, 02:59 AM

#3 Welcome to Hostinnovators.com. We want to thank you for stopping by and taking the time to look at what we have to offer. Hostinginnovators.com thinks you will be impressed by our high standards and quality of service. Going the extra mile is one of our main policies next to providing customer service with a personal touch. Visit the (online help desk) to browse our extensive list of the most frequently asked questions. If for some reason you still need help,donâ€™t hesitate to call. Our support team is standing by. Please click (here) to see what to look for when choosing a hosting provider.

The parts that are indented whatever, those are links. Ignore those. The parts that are in bold I have questions about, such as right word or should I leave sentance? Also is this the right way to do this sentance (too, donâ€™t hesitate to call. Our) Overall on this version what do you guys think? I need and greatlly appreciate any and all input.

NDH · #13 (**permalink**) 12-21-2004, 03:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by docquesting

#3 Welcome to Hostinnovators.com. We want to thank you for stopping by and taking the time to look at what we have to offer. Hostinginnovators.com thinks you will be impressed by our high standards and quality of service. Going the extra mile is one of our main policies next to providing customer service with a personal touch. Visit the (online help desk) to browse our extensive list of the most frequently asked questions. If for some reason you still need help or just need someone to talk too, donâ€™t hesitate to call. Our support team is standing by. Please click (here) to see what to look for when choosing a hosting provider.

The parts that are indented whatever, those are links. Ignore those. The parts that are in bold I have questions about, such as right word or should I leave sentance? Also is this the right way to do this sentance (too, donâ€™t hesitate to call. Our) Overall on this version what do you guys think? I need and greatlly appreciate any and all input.

It should be:

If for some reason you still need help or just need someone to talk to,

docquesting · #14 (**permalink**) 12-21-2004, 03:46 AM

#3 Welcome to Hostinnovators.com. We want to thank you for stopping by and taking the time to look at what we have to offer. Hostinginnovators.com thinks you will be impressed by our high standards and quality of service. Going the extra mile is one of our main policies next to providing customer service with a personal touch. Visit the (online help desk) to browse our extensive list of the most frequently asked questions. If for some reason you still need help, donâ€™t hesitate to call. Our support team is standing by. Please click (here) to see what to look for when choosing a hosting provider.

Rewrite NDH quotes was original. What do yall think now?